Unemployment

Not quite sure what to do with myself.  I am unemployed for an entire 6 days now.  I want a job.  I was not made to be a house wife.  Yet I seem to be busier now than I was when I worked from 8-5.  Today is the first day I am taking a day for myself.  I am pooped.  I did go to my niece's play this morning and had a lot of fun watching her dance.  I have been thinking about starting a family as well as my unemployed status.  Both scare me and I don't know what to do about it.  I hope to get a job by the end of next week.

The baby thing I think is going to scare me for the rest of my life.  I will have that responsibility forever and I am not sure how I feel about that.  My parents seem to have relinquished their parenting responsibility for me because I have not spoken to them in a year.  They missed my wedding, Christmas, etc.

Am I brave enough?  I watch my sister in law and see how well she does and I can only hope to be 1/2 so well at it.  Maybe courage come while you are pregnant, when you have those silent conversations with your belly.  OK, that thought made me smile.  Maybe the want is enough to make you brave.  I hope so, Chuck and I want it so bad.  I hope my body wants it just as bad because it is definitely the wild card in this proposition.

Fingers crossed.  Four more weeks and we will begin trying.