Unemployment

Not quite sure what to do with myself.  I am unemployed for an entire 6 days now.  I want a job.  I was not made to be a house wife.  Yet I seem to be busier now than I was when I worked from 8-5.  Today is the first day I am taking a day for myself.  I am pooped.  I did go to my niece's play this morning and had a lot of fun watching her dance.  I have been thinking about starting a family as well as my unemployed status.  Both scare me and I don't know what to do about it.  I hope to get a job by the end of next week.

The baby thing I think is going to scare me for the rest of my life.  I will have that responsibility forever and I am not sure how I feel about that.  My parents seem to have relinquished their parenting responsibility for me because I have not spoken to them in a year.  They missed my wedding, Christmas, etc.

Am I brave enough?  I watch my sister in law and see how well she does and I can only hope to be 1/2 so well at it.  Maybe courage come while you are pregnant, when you have those silent conversations with your belly.  OK, that thought made me smile.  Maybe the want is enough to make you brave.  I hope so, Chuck and I want it so bad.  I hope my body wants it just as bad because it is definitely the wild card in this proposition.

Fingers crossed.  Four more weeks and we will begin trying.

No Work

I have been unemployed for 1 whole day - when am I supposed to freak out?  When am I supposed to worry about the bills, they are all paid for this time frame...I am hopeful I got the job I interviewed for today but am anxious because they have not called me back yet.  I mean I interviewed this morning!  Is that unreasonable?

I did get some great news, my friend in France had a new baby.  I haven't spoken to her in so long because of all the chaos with the wedding, etc. Her new little boy was born on the last day of the year.  I am so happy for her, it is making me more excited about possibly getting pregnant.  I have at least 1 more month before I can be off my meds and then we begin trying.  I think I am ready.  Just when I think that though something happens I get spooked again.  I wish I was the rock that Chuck is.  He is so confident when it comes to being a father.  I just know what happened to me when I was growing up and would like to avoid doing that to some small person if at all possible.  I think my new family will help me to stay on track though.  I know if I act like my mother at all Chuck is likely to smack me.  And for good reason.

Well head up for today, I don't want to be discouraged about anything.  Going to think positive and do some laundry.

Work

Have not tried to write in a while, been sick and busy at work.  Tax season is always fun.  Was written up for wearing jeans on a NON-Friday and then refused to sign the write up.  Was written up again for not signing - insubordination with warning of termination.  2 days later - terminated.  Just waiting for it to happen.  Boss is a piece of work.  Told me over phone I was fired.  Professional.  I lucked out and got and interview the next day, and I have a second interview at the same place on Monday - fingers crossed.  Not been without a job since 1996.  Kind of scary feeling.  Luckily all the bills are paid and I will receive another check - however small it will be.  Fingers crossed for the new job - for a mid-sized firm who is willing to give me a chance at a position one level above where I have been.  Hopefully this means more money, some challenges and no more slow and boring...everyday.  I can also interact with clients and am required to go to their office to help put in place systems to help the firm as well as the client and decide what the client needs.  Sounds interesting.  Hope, hope, hope.